7 Harmful Phrases That Can Hurt a Girl’s Self-Esteem – And What to Say Instead

 

It's important to be mindful of the words we use and how they can impact others, particularly when it comes to girls' self-esteem. Positive, affirming language can help build confidence and self-esteem, while negative, critical language can do the opposite.

The words we use have power—especially when we’re speaking to children. For girls, in particular, the things they hear during childhood and adolescence can shape the way they see themselves for years to come. That’s why it’s so important to choose our words carefully.

Certain phrases, even if spoken casually or without harmful intent, can chip away at a girl’s self-esteem. Over time, repeated negative comments can lead to insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt.

Here are 7 phrases to avoid—and what you can say instead to uplift and support the girls in your life.

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1. “You’re too sensitive.”

Why it’s harmful:
This phrase invalidates emotions and makes a girl feel like her feelings aren’t acceptable. Over time, it can teach her to suppress emotions or feel ashamed for expressing them.

Say this instead:
“I can see that really upset you. Want to talk about it?”

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2. “You’re not pretty enough.”

Why it’s harmful:
This directly attacks self-image and reinforces the toxic idea that appearance determines worth. It can cause deep, lasting insecurities.

Say this instead:
“You’re beautiful just the way you are—and you’re so much more than just your looks.”

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3. “You’re too [insert trait here].”

Why it’s harmful:
Criticizing a girl's personality—whether it's being “too loud,” “too bossy,” or “too shy”—can make her feel like she’s inherently flawed.

Say this instead:
“You bring such unique energy to the room—don’t be afraid to be yourself.”

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4. “Why can’t you be more like [someone else]?”

Why it’s harmful:
Comparing her to others sends the message that who she is isn’t good enough. It fosters resentment and self-doubt.

Say this instead:
“I love the way you do things your own way. Everyone has their own strengths.”

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5. “You’re not smart enough.”

Why it’s harmful:
This damages a girl’s belief in her own abilities and can discourage her from trying new things or taking academic risks.

Say this instead:
“Everyone learns differently. Let’s figure it out together—you’re capable of anything.”

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6. “You’ll never be able to do that.”

Why it’s harmful:
This creates limiting beliefs and discourages ambition. It can make girls feel like their dreams are out of reach.

Say this instead:
“If it’s important to you, I believe you can work toward it. Let’s look at the steps together.”

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7. “You’re just like [negative stereotype or person].”

Why it’s harmful:
Labeling someone based on stereotypes or negative comparisons strips away individuality and can cause shame and confusion.

Say this instead:
“You’re your own person, and that’s something to be proud of.”

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Final Thoughts: Speak Life Into Her Confidence

Raising confident, resilient girls starts with how we speak to them. Words can either lift her up or tear her down—so choose language that supports her growth, individuality, and self-worth.

By avoiding harmful phrases and replacing them with affirming, supportive language, you can help the girls in your life build a foundation of confidence that lasts a lifetime.